the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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