I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
