thus making me awesome and them whores
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
