I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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