I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
