I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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