Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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