Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
