I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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