He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize