Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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