dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
