I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
