you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
