We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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