If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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