a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
