so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So much rum. So many feels.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
