You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
