Umm I'm too high to move.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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