we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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