So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
