there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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