i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
