In the future we'll all be gay
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
