do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
