Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
