And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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