New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
