CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
