just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
