can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
