Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't turn off my feet"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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