He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
