ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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