I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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