No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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