I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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