More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
