Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
