i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
