does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
