I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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