Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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