I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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