I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
