Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
