what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
