How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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