I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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