Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
