I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
