so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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