This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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