Umm I'm too high to move.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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