Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
