okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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