You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
