I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
