How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
