remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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