I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
