I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize