woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
