Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
