remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
