Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
