How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
