You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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