Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
