The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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