All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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