Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
