My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
