Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
