Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
