And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
