I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Of course I have a pirate flag
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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