when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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