Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
