I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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