woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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