winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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