FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize