New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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