Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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