You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
