I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
