I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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