i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
