wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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