some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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