I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
