I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize