I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
