You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
