We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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