Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
