Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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