just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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