the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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