Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
