We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
